tf when they don't leave a review

Last month I asked for your feedback, so this month it's a massive thanks to each of you that wrote in with a big thanks and "all is well". A few of you posed some bigger questions, however, so here are some replies.

Our inbox is always open at hello@celebrant.institute and members get real professional help ASAP at celebrant.institute/ask

Britt and I are expecting our third child this month, so if I'm a little bit less available, that's why.

– Josh

Is the customer always right?

Beth wrote:

I offer what I call ‘the phantom package’ where I encourage couples to use their friends as their celebrant and I will take care of legal stuff and coach their pseudo-celebrant to deliver a knockout ceremony. I think this package fits in nicely with what has been my motto from day one: It’s Not About Me.

However, I have noticed in my celebrant circles that there’s a real hesitancy to these types of ceremonies and celebrants are reluctant to get involved, almost as if it’s beneath them. They claim it’s too much work (okay, well charge more!), it’s messy, they’re not ‘real’ celebrants, it makes for a poor ceremony (try harder!) yadda yadda yadda. All to say – they think they are the best and only option. Which of course, I completely understand, but I would also say…. But it’s what the couple wants?! Their day – their way! I would never suggest a celebrant put their name to something they’re not comfortable with, but I also find it interesting to see the rise of ‘the personality’ in celebrancy. People who are selling THEMSELVES instead of their service.

One of my opening questions to every prospective couple I meet is something like ‘I’m sure you’ve been to some weddings, what did you love/loathe about the celebrant?’ and inevitably, every time they recall memorable weddings where the celebrant ‘made too many bad jokes, made it about them, talked too much, was awkward/overfamiliar’.

I guess my ramblings are leading to the thought of: Where’s the line between a celebrant providing an essential service to a couple for their wedding and being ‘a personality’?

I think this is an interesting conversation, Beth, because it begs the further conversation about celebrancy as an art and how do we translate art into a business.

I personally see my role as a celebrant as 85% art, 15% authorised Commonwealth public official. Which is why I generally don't enjoy being the guy that just does the legals while watching someone else stumble through what I'm good at.

Not unlike being a computer salesperson selling an underpowered entry-level Mac to someone making massive Hollywood films, or a car salesperson selling a Fiat 500 to a travelling troupe of clowns.

The great thing about being self-employed though is that we each get to offer different services, different worldviews, and differing value offerings. I just think that I personally am at my best when I'm doing the whole job and I guess that job is me being a personality.

That said, my hope for any ceremony I provide is that no one remembers me but they remember the couple being celebrated.

The hard job for each of us is how to communicate our offerings and differences on our website and social media content so that the right couple finds the right celebrant.

What awards should we aim for?

Karen asks:

I know marketing such as ABIA and Wedding Industry Awards are a significant money-making opportunity for them and not us, but I do find it’s a point of difference for couples who don’t know the back story of “voting” and how “we” are rated behind the scenes so I feel I benefit from having these awards in my auto signature and the plaques hanging on the walls in my office when I spend time with couples. Maybe next month you want to do a post on any other type of award/benefit that may support our small business.

There are two opposing ideas here, and the key to being an awesome human is to sit in the tension between opposing ideas and find your way through.

My first response is that I hate the idea of ranking all 10,000 of us, as if that is a valuable system.

As if me saying "Hi, I'm Josh Withers and I'm the 591st best celebrant in Australia" is a valuable statement to anyone. That's how I feel about the awards where there are rankings of first/second, gold/silver, winner/runner-up.

I just don't enjoy that system from a humanity point of view.

But then if you ask ChatGPT about celebrants in your area, and why it chose them, it will list award websites as a source.

Others have tried, and failed, and I spend time every day thinking about this, but I love the idea of there being a universal ranking of sorts, where if as a celebrant you meet a certain threshold you are classed as a certain class celebrant, and then maybe there's one or two thresholds above it. Just the kind of system that would tell a couple (and an algorithm) who are the good, trusted, professional, lovely celebrants.

The problem is creating a system that mattered to couples, industry, and us. If you know what that is, you've got my email address.

Why no reviews?

Jordan writes:

Couples also rarely leave reviews - even good friends whose weddings I have done and who told me many times that they were grateful and loved it, never left me a review. I have done over 60 weddings now and have a total of about 3 Google reviews. I even ask in my final follow-up email for them to do one. The reviews never come.

Jordan, I've been doing this for 16 years and have done weddings for all different kinds of people all over the country and the world and I don't know how to answer this question other than for you to charge more because money soothes the pains of not getting that post-wedding love.

Sometimes things happen at weddings that are not about us but cause the couple to reflect poorly on their experience, and sometimes they just move on.

Why? We'll never know. Charge more and take yourself out for a nice lunch that week.

Jordan writes further:

I wish you and Sarah spoke more about this. Questions like:

• how to juggle part-time celebrancy with other commitments
• strategies for couples that are less than great

How to juggle part-time celebrancy

Get really, really, really good systems and automations. Make computers work for you. If you don't, the next celebrant will. If you don't know what I mean, hit reply and let's talk further.

Strategies for hard couples

Your role in their wedding, and the ceremony planning of it, is one of a leader. You are leading the meetings, leading the ceremony. You're at the steering wheel, actively listening, empathising, asking questions.

I would say that if things are hard, it's because you're not driving the car, and that's a correction you need to make to your workflow and customer journey.

Updated PA system advice

Jake asks:

I know we all loved your PA advice and you've updated it at least once, but I'd say you could update that now Sennheiser has some great new stuff. I can send you what I use if it ever helps.

So when it comes to PA systems, there are four topics/issues:

1. Input (Microphone)
2. Output (Speaker)
3. Positioning (Speaker stand and location in the ceremony area)
4. Recording (Bless the videographers)

Walk into an audio store, and the dude behind the counter will want to sell you a) what's in stock, b) what they get a better commission on, c) what they think you need when they don't often understand the complexities of the wedding ceremony environment. Here are my thoughts.

Input is undervalued. In a perfect world, I'd use a Shure SM58, but Shure didn't make a portable wireless receiver until recently - the Shure SLXD25/SM58 Portable Handheld Wireless System - which is portable and expensive, and I don't own one. So my current mic of choice is either my Sennheiser EW-DP system or my Rode Wireless Pro system. I'll tell you about both.

Sennheiser makes a range of wireless and wired microphones, and it can get confusing. My preferred system is the Evolution Wireless Digital Portable system - EW-DP - the Sennheiser EW-DP 835 SET is probably the best for most celebrants. They also make a lapel version, but I prefer a handheld for the best audio. Sennheiser makes cheaper gear like the XS-W, but I don't recommend or use them.

The problem with that mic is that it's a pure professional mic. No fancy features like recording. If you want fancy, you go to the Australian brand, RØDE, for their RØDE Wireless Pro system and then pair it with their RØDE Interview PRO handheld mic that can record the audio straight to the microphone, no transmission issues, no clipping or distortion.

Output is also important, so I like to use the ever-popular Bose S1 Pro which is currently 15% off. It's just the best little portable PA around. But despite salespeople saying so, I don't rate the Bluetooth mic adaptors.

Positioning is undervalued as well; you want the speaker to be up on a stand, at the front of the ceremony.

Recording is where things get tricky, and it pays to be in a good relationship with videographers. I avoid videographers taping their gear to our mics. This upsets videographers, so I use the RØDE gear when there is a videographer, and I offer them the recorded file after the ceremony. Send thoughts and prayers to videographers as they are also often not audio engineers.

Jake went on further to say:

I know you've done stuff on AI, including workshops, and there was way more than I could action at the time, but obviously, it's important... maybe a breakdown of that drip-fed to us a little at a time each month??

Honestly, I only want to make work that you guys give a crap about, and the resounding response from most of the community was to put our heads in the sand and ignore AI. Some of you even got a bit weird about it. Which is fine, I don't want to offend anyone but I will say that ignoring and not understanding AI is the secret to future business failure. If you want more articles, content, workshops, webinars on the subject, let me know.

TikTok Love

Sally writes:

After five years of posting three to four times a week on IG. Doing research, learning, even paying a professional to audit my IG account who couldn't fault my strategy or content, just felt maybe "nicer pictures" might help - after all, that my mere 500 followers remain 90% other industry pros - the "sympathy follows" and I've never had a lead from there - I gave the TickyTocky a go.

OMFG I LOVE THE TICKYTOCKY. I love how different the algorithm is, how it shows me stuff I'm interested in instead of the stuff I post about. Because it's so much more raw and not based on perfection (yes, the psychology of the posts/hooks etc. is important), but I can just film at my desk, no makeup, ordinary clothes, with the dirty towel over the back of the chair barely masking the unmade bed behind me, and the content still goes off like a frog in a sock.

Sally, you're doing better than me.

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